I think a duck's opinion of me is very much influenced over whether or not I have bread.

I want to see a forklift lift a bunch of forks. It'd be so dang literal.

If the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

Duct tape is like the force. It has a dark side and a light side, and it holds the universe together.

I saw a news article that was titled: "9/11 commission rejects own report as based on government lies."

The only difference between a cod and a lawyer is that one is a scum-sucking bottom dweller, and the other is a fish.

You can tell a lawyer is lying by the fact that his lips are moving.

A mathmetician named Small
had an octahedronical ball.
The cube of its weight
times his chihuahua plus eight
is his number. Give him a call!